Something has happened again. Something I was not expecting in the least.

You all know about our soon to be brilliant and dare I say, ground breaking, Single Mom’s Manifesto.

I’m working on my first entry, assembling the mailing list and also am trying to figure out a way to make sure my return address is always, always on the envelope just in case one of the three books ends up at an address one of you have moved from. The Manifesto could be out in snail mail land for 6 months, so if you are planning on moving – please, let me know so I can send it to your first or remove you from the list.

So, back to the unexpected.

After I bought the Manifesto notebooks I noticed this blog post featuring a new, local publishing group. I don’t believe in coincidences and as many of you suggested, the Manifesto would be brilliant published. Like a Post Secret for single moms. Anyway, I reached out to James and Lori and we set up a meeting. When I arrived they agreed that the Manifesto could indeed be a success but they’d been reading my blog and impressed with what they found, they were curious– could they read a copy of my eBook?

Most of you don’t know this but my eBook, Ms. Single Mama Uncensored, is a bit of a sore subject for me.

After spending six straight weeks writing Uncensored–very few of you actually bought and downloaded a copy. To date, I’ve only sold around 300 copies. But, I’ve sold three times as many necklaces. Go figure. My mamas like things in the flesh, including their books. I can’t say that I blame you. I don’t have a Kindle or an iPad. After a day online the last thing I want to do is read online. In fact, one of my favorite things in life is curling up in bed with a new book.

But rather than shopping the book to a publisher, in spite of John Bear urging me to, I buried it along with the 6 weeks I’d lost into my Lesson Learned closet.

But now, here were publishers wanting to read a copy.

“My eBook?” I said, surprised. “Sure, why not?”

I gave them a download and went my merry way.

Less than 24 hours later, they e-mailed asking for another meeting. As soon as I arrived James, a 28-year-old single guy, told me, “I started your book and by page 30 I was hooked. I couldn’t put it down until I finished it and I can’t say that about very many books. And I’m clearly not a single mom.”

Lori said the same. She also couldn’t put it down and read it in one sitting.

This was a first.

I have read compliments on Uncensored from many of you, but to hear it from two live people sitting in the flesh before me, neither of them single mothers… well, you can imagine my face. My mouth was hanging open a bit, my cheeks were flushed and I didn’t know if should believe them or poke them to see if they were real. They couldn’t want to…

“We want to publish your book,” said Lori.

“And we think,” said James, “that it is going to be very, very well-received.”

Their enthusiasm was hard to deny and the book, thanks to my six weeks last summer, is very nearly ready to be published.

“This book,” added Lori, “fills a need. There aren’t many voices like yours out there.” We went back and forth for about 45 minutes. Me with lots of question and Lori and James answering them all without wavering in their conviction that my eBook would and could be a success.

“Okay, let me digest all of this and I’ll have to talk to John Bear.”

“Take your time,” they said. And so the discussing began.

——-

After several talks, largely centered around John’s chief concern–our family’s privacy, namely the privacy of our children (existing and imaginary future children)–we decided that yes, we should publish the book. As for privacy, the title of my eBook, Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, is going to change to something that will be suitable on our living room book shelf and as for the content, it’s nothing I wouldn’t let my daughter read as soon as she hit her dating age.

So…

by this Christmas you should all be able to buy my book.

Woah.

I can’t even say that last sentence out loud.

“Go ahead, what is it?” I coaxed.

“I just need you to know…I love you.”

My heart must have skipped a beat as I stared into her deep brown eyes. I wasn’t entirely sure how to react. When my college girlfriend told me that she loved me, I insisted that she didn’t really love me. When my last girlfriend said she loved me, I gushed because I was so in love with her that I was dizzy. And now this girl.

I searched for the answers in her eyes. I wasn’t even really sure why she was still with me. I don’t think I treated her particularly well and yet she stuck by me. Sometimes I even felt that I was going through the motions. But why was I going through the motions? What made me feel like I had to?

She had always been so good to me. I wasn’t all that lovable of a character back then. I was slightly overweight with a receding hairline, a large list of dietary restrictions, and an anxiety disorder that got the better of me more frequently than not. Yet there was something she saw in me, something even I didn’t know existed.

Slowly reality started to seep into my head and my heart. How could I have been so blind? Of course she loves me, it’s obvious to anyone who saw us together. The way she looked at me. The way she guided me when I got worked up. And then there was the way she made me feel. I felt like twice the man when I was around her. I felt like there was nothing I couldn’t do with her by my side. No matter what bad thing happened during the day, I could look forward to seeing her and know that I would feel better.

The last time I was in love, it was frantic. We could barely be in the same room without tearing each other’s clothes off. We read love sonnets to each other and giggled at how silly we were. There was electricity in the air from day one and a sort of buzz that was intoxicated. But with this girl, I never felt that. What I did feel was calm, and for once in my life, content. Was it possible that this was love, as well? Maybe love didn’t have to feel so frantic and hurried, maybe love could be peaceful, gentle, and soothing. Maybe that’s the feeling of being with someone who truly accepts you for who are yet somehow makes you want to be more. In the very moment she expressed her love for me, an entirely new world of discernment appeared for my eyes. And I knew.

“It’s okay,” she said after a minute of silence, “it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just needed to tell you.”

“No, no,” I injected, holding her close and looking into her eyes, “I love you too.”

Secrets do not last long.

If you’re with me this weekend, that is, you’re doing the “long weekend” thing at home between a friend’s place and the backyard or balcony, then you’re with me.

Good for you.

While a lot of people you know are off camping, boating and other daring doings we’re the smart ones, saving the gas and rental fees to have extra dollars for online dating memberships and coffee dates.

Yes, life is good.

Even myself, I will be working today at a retail job, selling computers to the literate, offering advice to the incomprehensible.

I’d laugh at myself if it didn’t hurt so much. But my point is, we do what we need to do, when we need to do it.

Sane and thoughtful, looking at the future is what we types do, right?

I know you’d agree with me on that last point.

Agreeable people always seek out people of the same type but have often tried the “opposites attract” approach before deciding that life just doesn’t work out like that. Good for you there’s a free communication weekend going on right now at eharmony.com. You can find a compatible match rather than a shouting partner. Hopefully.

And first and foremost (after you complete the personality profile and comprehensive membership questionnaire) you need an outstanding headline to help catch that first glimpse of someone’s attention as they scan their hopeful matches. I suggest this:
“Your future has brought you here, what is next?”

Have a great weekend!

We can meet!

There is a party and you’ve been invited. The problem, as you see it, is that you don’t know anyone there and only have a passing acquaintance with the person that extended the invite. Do you go?

The answer to this circumstance, no matter what it is, defines you as an introvert, an extrovert or someone that’s just so tired of doing nothing that taking a risk on what could be a terrible night is outweighed by the possible thrill of just being out.

I’m talking about this because the situation above, and the feelings about it, are similar to being an online dater.

You have an invite, and you might know of someone else that’s tried a particular dating service (with good or bad results) but the decision to go there, to do that, is entirely yours and often extends your comfort zone quite a bit.

And it’s all good.

Millions of people have taken this step (online dating) and a high percentage of these people have had great results whether that means getting a few dates or finding a marriage partner.

It all starts with the decision to do it and a place to do it at.

I can offer a few suggestions:
- match.com
- eharmony.com
- doyoudate.me
- aLoveLinksPlus dating great

Start by joining for a free membership and complete your profile. Remember to have a good, recent digital photo of yourself so potential new friends can see what you look like.

Start with a good headline too, something like this will work well:
“Yes, this is my first time… help!”

And have fun!

A romantic walking path.

We know deep down that these rules don’t necessarily apply to other people but it would be a nicer world if these rules were at least acknowledged to be fair to one and all.

Your online dating profile is one set of those rules, that honesty exists and is to be understood by all to be in “this place”, your online profile.

When this is understood by a potential date then you both have higher-than-normal expectations that need truth to exist in your lives then you have that quality of match that most relationship services depend on.

So date well and find your match; start with this headline for your dating profile:
“Where would we be for a quiet romantic walk?”

Have a great day!